A Tale of Two Sisters (Janghwa, Hongreyeon) DVD, subtitled in English
Ji-woon Kim (2002's 3 Extremes II) wrote and directed this spooky tale about a family (Kap-su Kim as the father, Jung-ah Yum as the stepmother, and Su-jeong Lim and Geun-yeong Mun as the two sisters) returning home from someplace undisclosed at this point in the film. What is disclosed is that the two sisters despise their stepmother in spite of the stepmother's attempts at being friends. Also a mystery (although riveting) was the strange aloofness of the father. But things got really spooky when the girls were visited during the night by what appeared to be ghosts. Was it the house? Was it the sisters? Two Sisters works well for fans of ghost stories and Japanese horror. There wasn't much twitching from the ghosts in this one, although I did jump once and got pretty creeped out with a particular bed scene. What worked best was the atmosphere and the mystery surrounding the family's relationship with each other and the house, amplified by strong, solid acting. Add to that the wonderfully atmospheric cinematography and you have the makings of a top-notch ghost story that will probably make its way to American screens with an English speaking cast as per 2004's The Grudge. Unfortunately for Two Sisters, things began to fall apart at the end when the family's mystery is finally revealed. I actually asked myself "What the —?" and then they added another twist and another until a lost track of what the film was trying to say. Needless to say, I found myself wanting to watch it again with someone this time so I could get another shot at figuring out the ending and get another's opinion. Maybe an English version can iron out the ending.

Teeth
Dawn (Jess Weixler) a normal, happy teenager who is saving herself for marriage has never seen another vagina but her own. She has even become a respected speaker for groups taking the vow to save themselves for marriage. It is at one of these group meetings where she meets Tobey (Hale Appleman.) Soon the two are dating and fighting their sexual urges. Before long, Tobey looses control and forces himself on Dawn, who tries to fight him off. Once inside her, Tobey is startled and in pain. Dawn has teeth in her vagina, which bite off Tobey’s penis causing him to bleed to death. Dawn finally realizes she is different from other girls. Her continuing sexual exploits become motivated by revenge as she seeks boys who have wronged her. I wasn’t totally satisfied with Teeth. While they did poke fun at today's moral climate, I did feel it took too long to get started. I also thought they should have pushed the envelope more by adding more horror and black comedy. The way it plays now, Teeth seems to have trouble deciding what it is. Of course, once the chomping gets going, the films picks up with severed penises falling to the ground and guys trying to stop the blood pouring from them—all of which we see in gory detail. I can’t say Teeth is a must-see, but you have to admit, it is a one-of-a-kind that might be worth a look. One warning to the guys—you’ll probably be unconsciously grabbing your family jewels to protect them as you watch Teeth. A final note: As a prepubescent boy, my friends and I shared an urban legend about getting our penises stuck in women or having them cut off during sex. There are even a few cultures, including the ancient Greeks, which warn of such a creature. Teeth might make you think twice about sticking it anywhere.

Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines
Director Jonathan Mostow (U-571, 2000) takes the torch from James Cameron to bring us the long-awaited T3. This time we find Arnold "The Terminator" Schwarzenegger trying to protect a twenty-something John Conner (Nick Stahl) AND Conner's future wife and resistance leader, Kate Brewster (Claire Danes), from the superior death machine, Terminatrix T-X (Kristanna Loken). Let the chase begin! Frankly, this is one long chase movie with plenty of explosions and non-stop action. We do find out a few new things about the coming apocalypse. We do get to see some cool scenes of a skeletal terminator army, and some things I guess I shouldn't tell you for fear of spoiling the plot . . . what plot there is. Kristanna Loken does a decent enough job portraying the cold T-X, but she lacks the charisma and dimension of Robert Patrick's T-1000. For a little while, I even had trouble accepting Nick Stahl as John Connor, but he finally won me over. However, I was uncomfortable with Claire Danes. She seemed out of place. Or was that Mostow's intention? So who's left to carry the film? Arnold is back and he's in tip-top shape. Even he lacks the character of his previous incarnations, but still, I found myself laughing at his jokes and cheering his carnage. If you're a fan of the Terminator films you must see this film, you'll enjoy it. If you've never seen a Terminator film, you might like the sci-fi action, but you'll have to see the first two to see the series in its prime. While T3 doesn't put the nail in the coffin the way Alien: Resurrection (1997) did for the Alien franchise, it does strain the series. Do I see a T4 in my crystal balls?

Terror Toons (direct to Video/DVD)
The Devil has a plan to invade your home through a free Cartoon DVD he's sending in the mail. And when the DVD arrives at Cindy and Candy's home, Cindy watches the cartoon unleashing two homicidal cartoon characters who join her sister's house party. Imagine a live-action "Itchy and Scratchy" cartoon and you'll be prepared for this graphic, over-the-top, campy gore fest. The acting is bad, with actors too old to portray teenagers (the Cindy character actually comes off as retarded rather than a teen), and the production quality of high scale porn, but this film is so bizarre, with some amusing effects that it deserves a look. It just goes to show how a couple of wanna-be film makers with a video camera and a twisted sense of humor can bring their nightmares to life.

Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)
Tobe Hooper gets a chance to revive his 1974 Classic, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, but turns the directing duties over to Marcus Nispel, who previously directed Janet Jackson and Faith No More videos. Okay, everyone needs to start someplace. Remember, James Cameron had Piranha. So maybe that's why Nispel goes by the book. Everything is here: the house looming in the distance; lights beaming in every window through every scene; the fast-paced music when someone is chased; things jumping out of the dark, the famous chainsaw cutting through the locked door. There's nothing wrong with this remake, but there's also nothing unique to make it stand out. It's always difficult trying to remake a classic because you can't be everything the classic was: one of kind! Like I said, the scares are there, the terror is there, in fact Nispel does a good job maintaining the suspense. But the desperation is missing. The sole survivor in House of 1,000 Corpses was more desperate and thus gained my sympathy. All the famous clips from the original are reproduced with a chance to sprinkle in some state-of-the-art special effects. And everything works, almost too well. The one stand-out performance was R. Lee Ermey's Sheriff Hoyt character. I don't remember the role of the sheriff in the original being so prominent, but regardless, Ermey milks his scenes for all they're worth, making me squirm as he tortures one character into putting a gun barrel into his mouth. Finally, there is an attempt to give this version a Blair Witch spin with the use of documentary footage at the start and end of the film, and the continued reminder that this is based on a true story. But alas, Blair Witch did it first.

Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
This time around, it's 1969 and two couples (Jordana Brewster, Taylor Handley, Diora Baird, Matthew Bomer) are on their way to California so the guys can join the army and go to Vietnam. A metaphor for what they are about to receive? But their trip (as we expect) is interrupted when they are captured by the cannibalistic Hewitt family. Director Jonathan Liebesman (2003's Darkness Falls) takes Tobe Hooper's classic for one last spin (?) Figuring that all Liebesman has to do is follow the formula, how can he go wrong? But expecting more of that formula is what kept me from running to see The Beginning when it first came out. To my surprise, Liebesman manages to take something old and add enough new elements to make it new and rather satisfying. The major addition, again surprisingly, is the suspense. I mean, after all, we know what's going to happen, so it's the how that keeps us guessing and here Liebesman shines, especially in making us think that someone might escape. Sure, you'll sit through the slice and dice, or as Sheriff Hoyt (R. Lee Ermey) tells Leatherface (Andrew Bryniarski) when he has to cut up his first human after the slaughterhouse closes: "Meat is meat. Bone is bone." We also get to see Leatherface discover and use his chainsaw for the first time. Now that alone makes this worth seeing.

They
Starting with a child's bad dream, this film quickly became a filmgoer's nightmare. There is nothing worth mentioning here. Beside no batteries for any flashlights in the film, there is no story worth your time, no acting, no writing, no directing. The only horror is that films like this still get made in Hollywood. Shame on you, Wes Craven, for adding your name to the title. (Interestingly, I couldn't find Craven's name attached to any part of the film at IMDB.com)

Thirteen Days
Truth IS stranger than fiction. Great political docudrama.

Timeline
Director Richard Donner (Lethal Weapon, Ladyhawke, The Omen) takes Michael Crichton's novel to the big screen with all the energy we've come to expect from him. The story is about a group of archeologists (Paul Walker, Frances O'Conner, Gerard Butler) who are recruited to go back in time to the 14th Century to rescue one of their own (Billy Connolly) who made the trip but became trapped. As with all time travel stories the travelers must be careful about changing history while saving their comrade. I wasn't expecting much, based on what I heard about this film, but found non-stop action, plenty of tension, and a battle to rival any I've seen in a film. This film moved so quickly it was over before I knew it and I enjoyed every minute. Okay, this film won't win any awards, but if you want to be entertained for 116 minutes while you chomp your popcorn, then you won't be disappointed. If you miss it in theaters, put it on your rental list.

Time Machine
I started off liking this film by playing Venn Diagram (What's different? What's the same?) between this and the 1960 George Pal classic. That was fun. There are plenty of subtleties and homage's for fans of the original to enjoy. I didn't even mind that they changed the location to turn of the century New York and took some liberties with their views of the future; after all I wasn't there to see Rod Taylor again. But this time machine goes nowhere! While I didn't miss the blond-haired, blue-eyed Eloi bimbos of the 1960 version, I did miss the 1960's Moorlocks and the lack of any tension and sense of wonder I experienced with the 1960 version. I was bored and didn't care about anyone in this future! Go if you want to play Venn, otherwise wait for the rental. I wonder how the producers of this film will react to their own tag line: "Where would you go?" How about back in time to try again?

Titan A.E.
Impressive. A variety of state-of-the-art graphic techniques highlight a better-than-average science fiction adventure. Not just for kids.

Tomb Raider
Expecting the worse, I was pleasantly surprised by the light action/adventure antics of a pistol packin' Lara Croft swinging, swimming, jumping, and running to save the world from the bad guys in this computer game plot gone live action. And while Angelina Jolie handles Lara's weapons well, guys may find themselves distracted by her strapped-on torpedoes.

Traffic
Without preaching, this well-acted, multi-leveled expose shows drugs affecting the different levels of society.

Transformers
Producer/director Michael Bay (2005's The Island, 1998’s Armageddon) teams with executive producer Steven Spielberg to bring us what the 2007 MTV Movie Awards called “The Best Summer Film Not Yet Seen” (at the time of broadcast). After a civil war on their home planet, the Decepticons (the bad guys) and the Autobots (the good guys) come to earth in search of a magic cube that the Decepticons plan to use for world conquest. Interject a plot about a high school loser, Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf), out to buy his first car (which happens to be an autobot) and win the hand of the pretty girl (Mikaela Barnes played by Megan Fox). Add another plot about a military unit in the Middle East lead by Sergeant Lennox (Josh Duhamel) who has the secret to the Decepticons' destruction. Sprinkle into these three plots another subplot about top secrets kept from one branch of the government by another and you have plenty to engage you. Now add battle upon battle as the Transformers fight each other, the humans, and do what the kids came to see them do—“transform.” So what could go wrong? First, the film didn’t seem to know whether it wanted to be a comedy (the teenager and the car plot) or an action, war film (the military plot). I soon grew tired of being in the middle of the tug-of-war after the hackneyed teen story bored me. I mean, the earth was going to be destroyed. Hello? I preferred the action film. Then, I found myself getting so much action it became meaningless. Even the 10-year-old with me got bored. So how does this pan out? Most kids or adults who played with the toys will get a kick out of seeing Optimus Prime, Megatron, Bonecrusher, Bumblebee, and the others finally come to life on the screen. In the end, audiences will probably flock to see this along with all the other summer blockbusters. But the best film not yet seen—if you haven’t already seen it? I think not.

Turistas
Television director John Stockwell teams with writer Michael Ross (2005's 2001 Maniacs—see my review, and 2003's Wrong Turn) to try to do for backpacking in Brazil what Hostel did for backpacking in Eastern Europe. After a horrific bus crash along a winding mountain road in Brazil, an American brother and sister (Alex played by TV's Josh Duhamel and Bea, played by TV's Olivia Wilde), along with Bea's friend Amy (played by TV's Beau Garrett) meet up with sole-traveler Pru (TV's Melissa George) and a pair of Englanders (Finn, played by Desmond Askew) and Liam (played by Max Brown) at an isolated bar at the beach. "It's paradise!" they proclaim until waking up the next morning to find that they have been drugged and robbed of every possession. One befriended local offers to take them to his uncle's house where they can wait for a bus. They soon discover that the "uncle" is an unscrupulous doctor who kidnaps tourists to harvest their organs for sale on the Black Market. Stockwell had plenty of beautiful scenery to give his audience and characters a false sense of security and he uses it well. The script is solid and the appropriate amount of time is taken for us to bond with the tourists before they become lab rats; all of which adds to the tension. The graphic scenes are nothing more than we've seen on TV's CSI: Las Vegas so if Hostel or Saw freaked you out, you won't get that same serving of "the creeps" here. Turistas offers a solid cast and story with the right amount of tension. If you miss it in theaters, it would make a good rental.