Shitty Poetry Month Round One Voting

The winner of round one is "All-Staff" by Geoff Gander, and it will go forward to compete against the next weeks' champions.
All-Staff By Geoff Gander
42% (18 votes)
Sunlight Under the Snarwunkles by Karl Johanson
12% (5 votes)
The Foolish Ark By J. Y. T. Kennedy
35% (15 votes)
The Vampire's Soliloquy by James Dorr
9% (4 votes)
Nature Poems by Graeme Tennant
2% (1 vote)
Total votes: 43

Nature Poems

by Graeme Tennant

Poems about nature
have mountains, lakes
tree's in them
The kind of things
that most people
only see on television
haven't had the chance to destroy

The Vampire's Soliloquy

by James Dorr

To bite or not to bite, that was her choice,
whether it was better that she take
this man to be her date, or meal, to trade
the promise of a night's roll in the hay
for, metaphorically, her beau served in
a roll, her dinner on a plate, the choice
was hers. Slice, slice, damned bread! In other words
to see him as fast food, a nip in throat
or wrist, to bring his blood to well forth free
in bubbling redness, lap with tongue life's ebb,
or use that tongue instead to explore his,
to carry her seduction to its end
in bed or coffin. But might then his fear
see him unmanned, for her love's labor lost,
the night hours wasted and, next day, to sleep,
perchance to dream of emptied stomach's plight?
Aye, there's the nub, the hesitation's fault
when Nature should, within her, take the fore,
belie sweet words, sweet thoughts, take care instead
of business, do those things a vampire must
despite his protestations of love, lust,
her own enticements, for should not her teeth
by any other name still be as sharp?

The Foolish Ark

By J. Y. T. Kennedy

Slushy draping corncob rain
Came lightly, a catalyst again:
Throw last year's old rag on.
Build a wall: abyssal, I onward
Wade. Monk eyeballs wallow.
It drummed us all: prating, dogged,
Not engulfed in grim ice
To drench importance. This was no
Tsunami: not a urgent case, although
It may fly to summer rows naked.
Dormant, I core numb ears.
Yet I think I wish the crowd
Of fancy lopsided frocks
Might amaze brazen rodeo's prey.
Though it seem unlikely,
new olfactory colours arise:
Gray, tan. I, whatever else
the thaw kisses, have elation.
Do verify if I should
Think it. Sun erupts!

Sunlight Under the Snarwunkles

by Karl Johanson

The sun shown brownly through the snarwunkles,
all gribbly peep with their undersides sleek with wet drippy.
Moving grubblies played fiercely in the shade,
dodging the drips in the variable gravity and singing arbitrarily.
Seven years later, the rising tones of amber on wet rasps
slowly calmed the sense of foreboding that went with the scenario.
“Alas,” cried the overly rambunctious horde of slywhippers.
“Trochaic hexameter be damned!” replied the stamenfors, with great conviction.
Seemingly without effort, the sunlight changed, bluer now, without harshness.
“This doesn’t make any fucking SENSE!” Saluted those who chose not to see.


By Geoff Gander

I moan softly in frustrated sorrow,
Fidgeting in my hard, rough office chair
Like a lion in a cramped cage.
“Just a short meeting,” he said.
His tongue flattened and forked
As he spoke.

I wince and clutch my stomach,
Singed by a noxious brew
Of curdled milk and stale coffee.
“Sure, I’ll have another cup.
No sugar, though.
I’m cutting back.”

Shitty Poetry Month

Happy April Fool's Day everyone!

But now, the real news!

It's April and that means it's National Poetry Month! Except at ChiZine. Here, it's . . . yes . . . Shitty Poetry Month! Back by popular demand! You could be the winner of the Shitty Poetry Belt (TM)*! Can you take it away from the current title holder, last year's winner, Mike Bryant?

All CZP eBooks 50% Off!

We apologize for some of the technical difficulties in getting ChiZine Publications' ebooks from our regular retailers as we switch e-distribution from Harper Collins to Trajectory.

As a thank you for your patience, all CZP ebooks will be 50% off from Monday, March 9th through midnight on Sunday, March 15th.

Happy reading!

Press Release: ChiZine Publications Signs New Distribution Deals


TORONTO, Ontario (March 2, 2015) — ChiZine Publications is pleased to announce it has signed new distribution agreements for its trade titles in Canada and eBooks globally.

CZP trade paperbacks will now be distributed in Canada by PGC/Raincoast. Worldwide eBook distribution will be handled by Trajectory.

CZP’s trade paperback distribution outside Canada will continue to be handled by Diamond Book Distributors.

ChiZine Publications to Give Away Books as Part of Family Literacy Day


TORONTO, Ontario (January 26, 2015) — To celebrate Family Literacy Day, January 27, ChiZine Publications (CZP) will be giving away copies of its young adult books. Trade paperbacks will be distributed at select bookstores across Canada while PDF versions will be available for free for a limited time from the ChiZine website.

ChiZine Publications to Publish Unauthorized James Bond Anthology

ChiZine Publications will be publishing a new anthology of short stories featuring James Bond now that Ian Fleming’s work has entered the public domain in Canada. The anthology, titled Licence Expired: The Unauthorized James Bond, will be edited by Toronto authors Madeline Ashby (vN, iD; Company Town) and David Nickle (Knife Fight and Other Struggles,The ’Geisters, Eutopia) and feature a number of well-known science fiction, fantasy and horror authors.

Prairie Fire on Claus

Nickle and Schroeder write with a fine ear for the disturbingly perverse, and their story is as sick and twisted a version of Santa Claus as I have ever encountered. Any parents that expose their children to this little bit of nastiness should be put away at once.


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